


The Kingston

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-26 00:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then suddenly he was Doctor Who and Moll Flanders was winking at him and making jokes about handcuffs and landing on top of him in a sequence that took suspiciously many takes to get right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kingston

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A FAKE.

The thing about Alex Kingston was that he'd seen her in _Moll Flanders_. He'd seen _all_ of her in _Moll Flanders_ , and had paused it at crucial moments for close inspection. Then suddenly he was Doctor Who and Moll Flanders was winking at him and making jokes about handcuffs and landing on top of him in a sequence that took suspiciously many takes to get right.

So that was the backstory.

Now they were on a break and Matt was sitting in a corner because Karen and Steven were talking Scottish to each other and who could understand Scottish people when they were in packs? That's why he was talking to Moll Flanders about... whatever it was. To be honest he was just trying really hard not to look at her breasts.

"...but they said that would be silly. Don't you think that's unfair of them?"

"Yes," said Matt, hoping that was the right answer.

Alex nodded, which meant that it probably was. "River _would_ dress as a cat in those circumstances. I _am_ her, I'd know."

Was this about the marriage that Steven was still not telling him about? Was River going to dress as a cat when she married the Doctor? Was she a furry? Was _that_ the twist? Alex already knew the twist, which made Matt hate her ever-so-slightly. Fine, he wasn't going to tell her how the Doctor really felt about Amy.

He realised that words were expected. "Umm... what if she wore a hat?" A hat? What the hell was that about? What was wrong with him?

"Why would a cat-burglar wear a hat?" asked Alex, who was now confused or possibly laughing at him on the inside.

Oh, _that's_ what this was about, her wanting to wear cat ears and a tail in the penultimate episode. "They wanted to dress me as a pirate," he told her, since that was more or less on the same subject.

Alex was definitely confused now. "Why, is there a pirate episode?"

"No, they wanted me to wear it as my Doctor costume. And Steven was going to veto the bow-tie when I suggested it."

"But it's sexy," said Alex. "Especially half-undone, because that suggests you've been shagged senseless and couldn't do it up again."

Matt was stunned, shocked, and all those other sibilant surprised words.

"Oh, don't be an old maid," said Alex. "You're over the age of consent, or so they told me."

"I'm not too young to be the Doctor!" he protested, tired of people calling him a foetus. He was _not_ a foetus, those looked like William Hague and Matt had hair. Lots of hair.

"I never said you were," she soothed. "You're just young enough to be my toyboy lover and have people call me a cradle-snatcher."

Matt wasn't sure where this was going. "Are you... are you flirting with me?"

"Of course I am, you idiot." She nudged him. "Do you think the Police Box prop would fall apart if we shagged in it?"

"You can't have sex in the TARDIS!" he exclaimed as loudly as he could without attracting attention.

"Why not?"

"It's _the TARDIS_!"

"It's a wooden box that gets transported in a van and put together on the set. It's not a real time machine."

"It's the principle of the thing. That's my childhood we'd be having sex in."

"Your loss," said Alex, shrugging.

"Do you still have your Moll Flanders costume?" he asked before he could censor himself.

"No. That would be weird."

"I'm going to keep the tweed when I leave."

"Oh yes, you're a hipster, aren't you?" said Alex. "Those people who wear an entire charity shop in one go." She patted his thigh. "Don't worry, the last one dressed in velvet suits in his off hours."

Matt shuddered the shudder of one attuned to the very fabric of fashion.

"I still shagged him, of course." She smiled. "I'm determined to have every Doctor I work with."

"Like Lis Sladen," said Matt automatically. "Umm, Sarah Jane," he explained. "She's got this thing about having sex with all her Doctors."

"Did you..?"

"Yes."

"So are you having all your companions or just her?"

"Karen's like a sister to me, and Arthur's a bloke."

"Which leaves you left out in the cold, poor thing. So, shall we shag now or shall we wait until filming's finished for today?"

"Either way nothing's going to happen in the TARDIS."

"Never mind, that console's a bugger to have sex on. Or at least the last one was, I don't know about yours."

"Mine's bigger," he said without thinking.

"So's your sonic screwdriver," said Alex without any innocence whatsoever.

"It's wider, and more of a handful," he agreed. "Plus it has little claws that... oh, you meant my penis."

"Yes."

"That doesn't have claws on it."

"Good."

And later, they done sex.


End file.
